hmmm

i've decided to write in my blog again...after ALL these YEARS!!! all thanks to SARA. yup, i'm writing in my blog, but I don't think anyone looks at these things anymore so I don't know if it matter. it doesn't matter. i don't care what other people think. for the most part. whoopdeedoo...just taken a break from my homework. supposedly your brain can't comprehend stuff past 30 minutes. so i'm taking a break after every 30 minutes to see what happens. uh huh. i bet this is REALLY interesting to read. i'm sure it's kinda hard to read too cause it's almost one big run on sentence. great. yup yup yup.
you know what boggles my mind?
when people talk about global warming...this just occured to me a little while ago, like a couple days. how is possible for the world to be gradually getting warmer (will finish in 30 minutes...) hokay, so...if the polar caps are gradually melting...wouldn't certain parts of the globe be getting colder? how does that work, ya know??? because "energy can neither be created or destroyed". i just don't get it.....grrrr....anywho, this project that i'm doing right now really sucks. but not interesting to write about because just am going to complain, so i'll get some more stuff from "it's all in your head".............


1/25/05:

I had you once
And I don't want you back
But when I see you smile
I smile back
So why did I ever leave?
Cause there was someone else
But nothing happened with that either
Why am I afraid to love?
What am I afraid of?
How can I even say that
I'm only 17
Yet, I don't want to go through life with
All these barriers
And 17's a barrier
So it must be "ignored"
I am still a child
I feel it in my blood
I am so undecided
Make up your fuckin' mind girl,
Someone make my decisions
So I won't have to
But then there'd be no living
No choices to ever make
That's what life is about
Making your own choices
But never knowing the outcome
The element of surprise
Always gets me off track
There is no order
No order in return
I see you taking pictures
Get the camera out of my face
Stop talking to me
Erase, erase, erase
I am justnot comfortable
With being myself
But if no one sees that
Then that other part becomes me
And that really bothers me
It fucks with my empty head
Get to know me
Before you go to bed
WHY ARE PEOPLE DIFFERENT
WHEN THERE ARE SO MANY OF US
Is it hard for our brains
To comprehend the
Vastness of it all?
Or is it just stupidity
To make up for the silence?
Rape me, touch me,
Bite me, hate me
God damn the anger!!!
God damn the pain!!!
Leave me alone
You fucking whore and a spoon!
How do I get rid
Of all of this
Without moving away?
help me

I'VE BEGUN TO QUESTION HUMANITY, BUT WORST OF ALL MYSELF

3/6/05:


I sink more into seclusion...
Each and every day
I sit in front of the mirror
Naked
Cutting myself into two
The two devour each other up
Until all that's left is
A hole
Where I once was



2/24/05:


children giggling, rolling beneath the water tower. silence. no traffic. no people. deserted sidewalks. all that is heard is bells. the source unknown. it seems like they should be chimes, but the "ding" is too delicate. hot pink toiletts with fake flowers blooming inside its bowl. the quiet yells of girl cross country runners. a school bell rings. it's 3:30. distant stroller walkers are seen but not heard. the "hello" of a fellow dog walker. my nose runs, things drip down my throat. the warmth of a gloved hand against my face. pitter pattering footsteps behind me. they sound quick. another runner? no. the fellow dog walker walks this path daily. i stole her walkway. the afternoon chill warms my heart. the walk home was worthwhile after all.




...i think i'm done for the day.